SURE AND REAL WIN

When I was young, my parents would always remind me not to engage in any physical violence. They told me to run as fast as I could upon hearing the bell of a boxing match. I asked them why run if I can fight. I told them that I don’t want to run because for me those who run are losers. But, according to my father, a winner is a person who can avoid the fight. I was trying hard to comprehend what they were telling me. I just thought that maybe they didn’t want me to get hurt, catch bruises and have a patches of dark violet color on my skin.

On the contrary, my uncle would always tell me not to run when challenged to fight. He had confidence that I could win. According to him, I have firm fists and can give a solid blow. He was emphasizing that running away the boxing arena is not found in the vocabularies of champions.

As young as I was, I got confused. Both my parents and uncle were making sense. But, whom should I follow?

The test came when my classmate challenged me for a fight. I was deeply provoked that I followed my uncle’s advise. I went home with a black eye. My mother kept worrying, nagging, scolding me that I could have avoided the black eye if I just followed their advise to simply run away from the fight. Obviously, my uncle’s reaction was the opposite. He was joyfully telling me that I did great. He was proud that I only had a black eye while my classmate had a broken nose and was sent to the hospital.

My uncle told me that I won the fight. But, honestly that time, I didn’t feel like I was the real winner. I didn’t feel good. I didn’t know why. Perhaps, I was gnawed by guilt, the fact that I disobeyed my parents; that I severely hurt my classmate; that I had a black eye.

Confucius was right when he said in his Doctrine of the Mean No. 10 that the real strength of a person comes from both his inner and physical dispositions. One’s propriety (interior) and physical prowess (exterior), if harnessed separately, are not enough to sustain one in the real fight. The strength that never wane is the strength from both. Relating Confucius’ words, real winning is found in the interior and exterior victory. The real winner is the one who fights with his full capacity without compromising his values. The real winner is the one who fights with his might in achieving justice not just for oneself but for the others as well. The real winner is not just the one who loves inner peace, but also the one who hopes physical well being for all.

My parents taught me to choose the value of making peace over igniting a combat. It’s just that they were not able to explain what they meant by running: what is the importance of running; when to run; how to avoid conflict with others. My uncle’s point also lacks further explanation. Maybe that time, they were explaining but I was too young to understand.

Now, as I reflect on it, I found out that the combination of what my parents and my uncle had taught me can be my source of real strength. The formula of having the real strength is the same formula of having a real victory in life. I realized that the reason why I didn’t feel like a winner when my uncle told me that I won the duel over my classmate was that I didn’t have a genuine victory. I just succumbed to the compulsion that I didn’t want to lose; that I didn’t want to be looked down; that I was not a weakling; that I could actually fight and knew how to punch. I did the extreme of my Uncle’s advise. Good thing, I was not badly hurt. But, I cause the hospitalization of my classmate. I should have chosen the mean: not running away from conflict but running towards a solution. I should have used my strength not to attack and wallop but to appease my classmate.

I believe that improper appropriateness bears cowardice, lukewarmness and exagerated avoidance on life’s issues and problems. If one keeps on running away with things that borne them pain and suffering, one will end up doing nothing, in other words, in Filipino, “Sa sobrang segurista wala ka na tuloy magagawa at naiiwan kang nakatunganga.” Furthermore, unguided strength leads to nothing but broken noses and black eyes. If one is overcome by temperament and vengeance, one will end hurting not just himself but also others. Using Confucius’ language, the integrity of real and sure win comes from the unflinching strength, a right combination of propriety and physical power.

- Jun-G Bargayo, SJ -

Tzu-lu asked about stength. Confucius said, “Do you mean the strength of the South, the strength of the North, or the strength you should cultivate yourself? To be genial and gentle in teaching others and not to revenge unreasonable conduct– this is the strength of the people of the South. The superior man lives by it. To lie under arms and meet death without regret– this is the strength of the people of the North. The strong man lives by it. Therefore, the superior man maintains harmony [in his nature and conduct] and does not waver. How unlinching is his strength! He stands in the middle position and does not lean to one side. How unlinching is his strength! When the Way prevails in the state, [if he enters public life], he does not change from what he was in private life. How unflinching is his strength! When the Way does not prevail in the state, he does not change even unto death. How unflinching is his strength!”

The Doctine of the Mean No. 10