Natuwa lang po ako habang binabasa ang aking sanaysay na sinulat noong ika-24 ng Hunyo, 2008. Ito po ‘yon…
Kilala ko ang sarili. Alam kong kulang na kulang ang aking kakayahang magsulat. Parang sasabog ang aking utak sa kakaisip kung ano ang isusulat. Tila mga dahong tuyo ang mga paksa na isinasaburayray ng pilyong hangin. Wala akong mahuli ni isa sa mga ito. Tila mga laog na pusa ang mga salita na kumakaripas kapag nilalapitan ng aking mapanugis na isipan. Wala akong mabuong pangungusap. Ngunit sa gabing ito, kailangan kong tapusin ang isang sanaysay. Isa itong parusa.
Kinuha ko ang aking kuwardernong nangangamoy pang National Bookstore. Inilatag ito sa mesa. Binuklat. Inabot ko ang lapis at inipit sa pagitan ng aking ilong at nakangusong labi. Ininut-inot ko ang aking sarili. Huminga ako nang malalim… isa… dalawa… talto… apat…. at paulit-ulit. Sampung minuto na ang lumipas; wala pa akong naisusulat.
Kay hirap magsulat.
Sinubukan kong isa-isahin sa aking isipan ang aking mga nakahiligan sa pag-asang makasagi ng paksang maging gatilyo sa aking pagkikipagdigma sa larangan ng pagsusulat. Ngunit bigo ako. Dahan-dahang nang inihahampas ng aking kamay ang lapis sa mesa. At tanging ang kumpa nito ang naririnig. Sinasakop ng tunog nito ang mumunting pitak ng aking utak. Mala-kwago na akong nakatitig sa unang pahina ng aking kwadernong wala pa ring nailalapat na kahit man lamang isang malabuhanging tuldok. Dalawampung minuto na ang lumipas; wala pa akong naisusulat.
Kay hirap magsulat.
Tatlumpong minuto na ang nakalipas. Wala ni isang karanasan ang humulagpos sa kaban ng aking alaala. Tulog na tulog ang aking isipan. Dumaan man ang panaginip, wala itong kamalay-malay sapagkat malalim ang pagkahimbing nito. Lumulutang ang diwa ko sa karagatan ng kadiliman. Hindi puwede ito, sabi ko sa sarili. Tumayo ako at iniunat ang aking katawan. Tinungo ko ang lababo at naghilamos. Tiningnan ang mukha sa salamin. Nakita ko na nagising ang aking kamalayan. Dali-dali akong bumalik sa upuan, dala-dala ang naiibang sigla sa utak. Ramdam ko sa aking kaloob-looban ang mauyad na pag-usbong ng binhing nagmumula sa puno ng makata.
Di-nagtagal, sinubok kong ipanulat ang aking lapis. Aba! Napawi ang aking pagkainis sapagkat sa wakas mayroon na akong naisusulat. Tila mga paruparong sumasalipadpad ang mga salita mula sa kalatagan ng aking kuwaderno. Isa… dalawa… tatlo… apat… at maraming pangungusap na ang aking naisusulat.
Wala ngang limang minuto, nabuo ko ang isang sanaysay, “Kay Hirap Magsulat.”
I was there last August 8, 2009. It was my first time.
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Fort Santiago is within the walled city of old Manila: Intramuros. This was the barracks of the Spanish soldiers and served as a prison during the time of Spanish colonization of our country. This is where Jose Rizal was imprisoned before he was executed in Bagumbayan.
At last, I was able to watch the indie film, Dinig Sana Kita. I thought I won’t be able to watch it anymore when I missed its Cinemalaya screening at CCP. I was excited when we read the advertisements on a newspaper that it will be shown in Robinson’s Galleria. Yesterday, my friend and I watched it. Read the rest of this entry »
When I was young, my parents would always remind me not to engage in any physical violence. They told me to run as fast as I could upon hearing the bell of a boxing match. I asked them why run if I can fight. I told them that I don’t want to run because for me those who run are losers. But, according to my father, a winner is a person who can avoid the fight. I was trying hard to comprehend what they were telling me. I just thought that maybe they didn’t want me to get hurt, catch bruises and have a patches of dark violet color on my skin.
On the contrary, my uncle would always tell me not to run when challenged to fight. He had confidence that I could win. According to him, I have firm fists and can give a solid blow. He was emphasizing that running away the boxing arena is not found in the vocabularies of champions.
As young as I was, I got confused. Both my parents and uncle were making sense. But, whom should I follow? Read the rest of this entry »
(Last night, I was browsing my novitiate files and I found these: my 30-day retreat reflection last November 2006, pictures and video taken during my profession of first vows last May 2008.)
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Lord, I am here. I beg that you will take the pride in me; that you will melt, mold and consume me; that you will dwell in me and sanctify me. Hold my life. Take my desires. I am yours.
I’ve been in God’s service for almost half of my life. It was a privilege to be able to experience God in every recollection, retreat, conference and mission trip I had in the past. I always say that I was a child full of hatred, but grew up to be a man after God’s own heart. What a miracle I witnessed in my life. Amazing!
The 30-day retreat is relishing the love story of my life. There were many tears that I shed because of so much joy and awe as I reviewed all the sacred romances I had with God who had been a father, king, savior and friend to me. The entire retreat was an opportunity to name, clarify and savor the experiences I had as I enjoy the gift of relationship with God.
Many tears were shed after realizing that all my life God never failed to labor for my welfare… God is so generous to me. He has given me even those things that I don’t remember asking. He is so affectionate that touches my very soul. He is so alive. He is very present in my life. Many times I failed and sinned against Him, hundred thousand million times He has forgiven me. My God is full of mercy. Read the rest of this entry »
It was 2004 when I first heard this song, THE CHANGE of Steven Curtis Chapman.
I got myself a t-shirt that says what I believe… I got the little Bible magnets on my refrigerator door… I got a Jesus bumper sticker…
The proof of our being Christians is not seen on the t-shirts that we wear nor the stickers that we put on our cars. It is not found on the designs of our keychains nor the decorations on our door posts and mats. Christianity is lived. Once a person felt the love of Christ, that person’s life wouldn’t be the same again. Christ’s love is so warm that melts our hearts and reshape them into hearts that are more loving and forgiving. Christ’s love is so gracious that moves us to become more generous to others. His love is so tender that motivates us to be more compassionate especially to the poor.
I’m gonna have the change… I’m gonna have the difference… I’m gonna have the grace… I’m gonna have forgiveness…
What it means to be a Christian? For me, it is a life believing in and testifying to Christ’s values and character through our words and deeds. To be a Christian is to be loved by Christ and we cannot but love Him in return. And as we respond to this call to love, our life begins to change. The change in our hearts and minds is what will make us genuine Christians.
I’m gonna live a life that’s showing that I’m undergoing the change.
This change in us will make a difference in the lives of the people that we encounter day by day.
When Ignatius was badly wounded from the battle of Pamplona, he hardly recovered. His health deteriorated. Worse, there were signs that death was near. His physician informed him that his days were already numbered, so he begged the Lord for him to recover the soonest. He desired for his life. Lord’s work, his recuperation was very fast that in five days he was already declared safe.
During his convalescence, he got to read the books: The Life of Christ and a book on the lives of the saints. While reading the books meditatively, he began to desire to follow the steps of the saints like Sts. Dominic and Francis. He used to say to himself, “Saint Dominic did this, so I have to do it too. Saint Francis did this, so I have to do it too.” This desire to imitate the saints lasted and brought him much consolation.
Having recovered from his infirmity, he wanted to go to Jerusalem. Every time his imagination brought him to Jerusalem, to the very places where Christ stayed and lived, his heart became restlessly yearning to fulfill this greatest desire. On February 1522, so determined, Ignatius commenced his pilgrimage and on August 31, 1523, he first set foot in the Holy land. His visits to the holy places gave birth to another desire; a desire to remain in Jerusalemand save souls. Sadly, he was not given permission to stay. Nevertheless, he was bringing with him his desire to save souls when he left Jerusalem. Read the rest of this entry »
I just came from watching Vincent Tañada’s musical play, Ako Si Ninoy. It was performed by the Philippine Stagers Foundation, an obscure theater group from Balic-balic, Tondo. The musical play is based on the life of our national hero, Benigno S. Aquino Jr., reflected on the lives of ordinary individuals who have sacrificed their lives for others, the poor and the country.
What makes this play distinct is that Ninoy was portrayed as someone not entirely different from us. In a way, his experiences are not different from our own experiences. As a war correspondent in Korea, Ninoy’s struggle to understand the ugliness of war is no different from the experience of reporters nowadays who struggle to find the truth in a corrupt bureaucratic system. As a father and husband, Ninoy’s loneliness being away from family is no different from OFWs who left their family in search for better jobs. As a political detainee, Ninoy’s anguish and suffering is no different from a peasant leader who was picked up, tortured and killed by abusive authority.
The play asks bold questions: Sino ba talaga si Ninoy? Ikaw ba si Ninoy? Ako ba si Ninoy? These questions invite the audience to reflect on how one can be a champion for others; a hero that can bring about a change to our country. One is not invited to do grand things but to do ordinary things faithfully.
Ako si Ninoy has shown me the courage to fight against something we do not deserve: the degradation of our dignity as Filipinos. The life of Ninoy gives me strength to be one with those who continue to fight for what is right and just for all.
- Jun-G Bargayo, SJ -
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Ako si Ninoy play date August 14-16, 2009 in Meralco Theater at 7:00PM. Watch out! Ako si Ninoy will visit schools, colleges and universities.
Last night, I was able to catch on Cinema One the movie, ONE NIGHT ONLY, written and directed by Jose Javier Reyes. I did not watch it on the wide screen during its regular screening because I thought the movie is one of those films that only had sexy motif and nothing else. To my surprise, the movie is beautifully structured; the story is so relevant. It exposes realities in different relationships in life and the truth in human desires and struggles.
The character, Katrina Halili as Jasmine represents those people who are imprisoned by their desire for all the luxuries in life to the extent that they are willing to do everything just to make this desire into a reality. Dianna Zubiri as Vivian represents those who, in their pursuit for their newly found knight in shining armor, are willing to compromise their values. Valerie Concepcion as Vicky represents those who are not satisfied with what they have and would look for more even to the point of sacrificing their significant relationships. Alexandra de Rossi as Angela represents those who have celebrity idols and they are willing to do and give everything just to please them. Jennylyn Mercado as Elvie represents those who want to straighten their lives but are still caught up with the mess that they had done in the past. Joross Gamboa as Nestor, Manilyn Reynes as George, Chokoleit as Edward, Jon Avila as Pons, Paolo Contis as Diego, Ogie Diaz as Meliton, Ricky Davao as Congressman Facundo and Jason Gainza as Barney represent vulnerable people who are caught in turbulent relationships.
If I were to rate this movie, i will give it 4 stars. Jose Javier’s dialogues are clear, funny and witty that anyone can comprehend and relate. As a viewer, I was able to follow the build up of every character and the plot. The movie ended with surprisingly high note. Acting is excellent. The scene when Meliton meets Edward with George is the funniest for me.
The Moral Lesson: Let us manage our desires and not the other way around.
Tindi. Sidhi. Rubdob ang Tagalog ng PASSION. May kanya-kanyang PASSION ang bawat tao. Katulad ng mga musikero, mananayaw, makata, politiko, basketbolista, artista... sila ang tinatawag kong PASSIONista... sila ang mga taong ganado at tutok na tutok sa paggamit, pagpapaigi at pagpapatalas ng kanilang natuklasang PASSION sa buhay. Ikaw ba ay isang PASSIONista? Kung ikaw ay PASSIONista, para sa'yo ang mga nakasulat dito!
Kilala ko ang sarili. Alam kong kulang na kulang ang aking kakayahang magsulat. Parang sasabog ang aking utak sa kakaisip kung ano ang isusulat. Tila mga dahong tuyo ang mga paksa na isinasaburayray ng pilyong hangin. Wala akong mahuli ni isa sa mga ito. Tila mga laog na pusa ang mga salita na kumakaripas kapag nilalapitan ng aking mapanugis na isipan. Wala akong mabuong pangungusap. Ngunit sa gabing ito, kailangan kong tapusin ang isang sanaysay. Isa itong parusa.
When I was young, my parents would always remind me not to engage in any physical violence. They told me to run as fast as I could upon hearing the bell of a boxing match. I asked them why run if I can fight. I told them that I don’t want to run because for me those who run are losers. But, according to my father, a winner is a person who can avoid the fight. I was trying hard to comprehend what they were telling me. I just thought that maybe they didn’t want me to get hurt, catch bruises and have a patches of dark violet color on my skin.
I just came from watching Vincent Tañada’s musical play, Ako Si Ninoy. It was performed by the Philippine Stagers Foundation, an obscure theater group from Balic-balic, Tondo. The musical play is based on the life of our national hero, Benigno S. Aquino Jr., reflected on the lives of ordinary individuals who have sacrificed their lives for others, the poor and the country.
Last night, I was able to catch on Cinema One the movie, ONE NIGHT ONLY, written and directed by Jose Javier Reyes. I did not watch it on the wide screen during its regular screening because I thought the movie is one of those films that only had sexy motif and nothing else. To my surprise, the movie is beautifully structured; the story is so relevant. It exposes realities in different relationships in life and the truth in human desires and struggles.
